... Don't lick the dish until it cools down.

Alright kids, I'm giving up my stand-by hors d'o-- hors d'oeuvr-- ahh screw it, my favorite party appetizer.  I've made this dozens of times, even trying a few variations here and there (substituting different cheese or low-cal ingredients) -- I did try to adapt the recipe to be acceptable in the crock pot (imagine... bubbling, cheesy dip, piping hot for hours instead of the fleeting few moments right out of the oven with the original version), but I've yet to figure that one out without making a big burnt cheese mess to deal with at the end. We'll stick to the Rachael Ray original here, with a few pro tips.

Gather round, ingredients:
- 8 slices center-cut bacon
- 8 ounces cream cheese, softened
- 1/2 cup mayo
- 2 rounded teaspoons Dijon mustard
- 1.5 cups of shredded Swiss cheese
- 3 scallions
- 1/2 cup or more of chopped "smoked" almonds

Preheat the oven to 400 degrees F.  Take the package of the cream cheese out of the fridge and set out on the counter to soften it up a bit. Fry up the bacon (or microwave if you prefer, whatever floats your boat), let air dry on paper towels. I like to make the bacon pretty crispy -- it chops up easier and adds a bit more crunch in the dip. Chop up the scallions and bacon to small pieces (the smaller the better, in my opinion -- remember this is going to be dip, so the perfect scoop of dip should have bacon and scallion).

Grab a medium-sized mixing bowl, and throw in the mayo, mustard, and cream cheese. One and a half cups of shredded Swiss cheese is three-quarters of a normal size package of pre-shredded Kraft or Sargento cheese, but if you wanted to be fancy with it you could grate your own. The cheese goes in the bowl, too, as does the scallion and bacon bits. Stir it all together with a spatula. Transfer the mixture into a small baking dish or casserole (a glass pie dish is perfect), and lightly smash it down a bit. Don't worry about flattening it out all nice smooth, it's gonna melt. It should look something like this:

It may look yummy, but trust me, this isn't brownie batter, resist licking the spatula unless you enjoy a spoonful of mayo from time to time.  If the oven's ready to go, throw the dish in there and set the timer for 15 minutes.

While the dip is baking, you can use a Slap Chop or the like to chop up some smoked almonds for the top. You can also use a chopping knife, but I find the seasoning on the smoked almonds flies everywhere when chopping with a knife. You may be tempted to buy the pre-sliced package of "sliced almonds" in the grocery store-- don't do it. Unless some grocery store carries the smoky ones already chopped up, which I've never seen. Grab a little can that says "Smokehouse" on it and chop those suckers up, pretty coarsely unless you want almond dust on the top of your dip.

After 15 minutes (or a few more, depending on your oven it could be more like 17 or 18 minutes -- look for bubbling, golden brown edges), take the dish out and sprinkle your chopped almonds all over the top. Have some crackers or carrots or bread or your hand ready to dig right in -- this baby's best right out of the oven. My dipping tool of choice is those flat pretzel crisps.  Enjoy -- it will go fast, and your guests will ask what's in it. A plus: it reheats alright (oven > microwave) -- not that you'll have any leftover. Mmmmm, cheese and bacon.